Between Love and Hate
by Shanaraptor
Summary: Oneshot - Hollstein - An alternative ending for Episode 21 - I just couldn't help but feel it should of been a bit more...sensual, so here is my rendition of what happened between Carmilla and Laura.


We watched Will flee from the room as I cowered on the bed behind Carmilla, I was physically shaking, Will had almost ripped my throat open, if it wasn't for Carmilla, I would be lying dead on the floor of my dorm right now, but I wasn't, Carm had saved my life, she had actually saved my life, my heart swelled with gratitude, and as she spun around I blurted out "Thank you for not letting him eat me!", it came out shakier than I had intended "It was especially ni-" I stopped mid-sentence, cut off by the fire in Carmilla's eyes.

_'Oh crap'_ I thought to myself _'did I really think that Carmilla not letting Will bite me had anything to do with her liking me? I'd held her hostage, tied to a chair for days and denied her blood; of course she was going to be furious, how could I have been so stupid, so gullible to my own desires'_

That's exactly how, because I wanted it so badly, I wanted her to want me, but as I stared back into the burning, anger filled eyes of the girl I desired, the warm fuzzy feeling I had experienced so fleetingly, disappeared, my stomach dropped and my throat went dry. Carmilla grinned, and stepped closer, I leaned back, away from the danger, pleas of mercy stuck in my throat, one of her hands came up to cup my cheek, and she bit her lip causing one of her fangs to glisten in the candle light, I gulped and traced her lips with my eyes, I went weak both out of desire that what she had just begun, was what I craved the most, and fear for knowing it wasn't.

I could feel her finger tips rustle against my ear, I tore my gaze from hers and nuzzled my face into her palm, powerless to stop her from doing whatever it was she intended on doing, she moved closer, placing a hand against the wall behind me and a knee on the bed, she brought her head down towards my exposed neck, I could feel her breath against my skin and shivered, was she going to bite me? Was she going to punish me for what I had done to her, what I had accused her of? Her lips brushed my skin and I felt a surge of passion rise up inside me.

I wanted so badly to grab her, to pull her into me, to feel her lips, her touch, skin against skin and a burning desire for each other, my thoughts were going haywire, mixed together in a cloud of need, a need for her touch, and a fear of what may happen to me if her intentions were to end my life herself, my punishment.

Her hand moved from the wall and wrapped around me, pressing into my back and holding my weight as she leaned forward and lowered me onto the bed, I felt her knee press slightly against my groin and I let out a light gasp, Carmilla gave a vocalized smirk in reply, and the hand that had previously been against my back, supporting my weight had now moved to my hip, she snaked her fingers against my stomach, dragging her nails against my flesh, I bit my lip hard to suppress a growl and pressed my chest upwards into her, my own hands that had been lifeless out of shock and fright, now moved up her thighs and danced lightly across her backside.

I felt Carmilla shiver under my touch, then suddenly, her hand swept down under my arm and pressed against the back of my shoulder, I gasped in pain, (it ached from where Will had held me in an arm lock impressively tightly), at the same time, the hand that had been caressing my cheek moved down around my throat and moved my chin up and to the side exposing my neck, she placed her thumb against my artery, making it throb. Carm lowered herself and I clenched my eyes shut, preparing myself for the pain of death, her lips pressed against my throat, and then her teeth, it felt almost like the world was moving in slow motion, I felt the two tiny pinpricks as her fangs pierced my skin, and then pain, it was like fire, I opened my mouth to scream, but nothing came out, because as quick as the pain had come, it had gone, replaced by pleasure.

I couldn't hold back and let out a moan, my fingertips dug into Carmilla's back, holding her against me, her hand moved up and behind my head, gripping the back of my neck, the other pressing into my back as she drank, it hurt a little, but it felt **good**, my breath was heavy, and the world had faded out of existence, right now it was just me and Carm, I pushed myself up against her, causing her to moan against my neck, it feel like another world, she ran a finger from the bottom of my neck, all the way down to the waist of my jeans, toying with the button, teasing me, she was drinking still, draining my life, I no longer cared, all I wanted was this feeling, her body pressed against mine, her desire for me, and mine for her raging from within, I never wanted this to end, it was so perfect, so-

Bl

inding white pain seared from my neck, it rose like a volcano and erupted inside my head, pouring down my face and exploding into my heart, then roaring through my veins and into the rest of my body, my eyes sprung open "Carmilla! Stop! Please! Carmilla it hurts!" I struggled against her grip, but it was too tight and she wasn't letting go, "CARMILLA! PLEASE!" I screamed, tears pouring down my face.

_"You're dying"_ a voice whispered inside my head, I could barely make it out through the searing pain, but I think "_You don't have much life left in you",_yes it was Carmilla _"Don't you like this? Don't you _**_enjoy _**_this?" _her voice was cruel and unforgiving.

_Why was she doing this now, did she build me up just to bring me down, was none of this real? Was it all just to tear me apart and take my life at the very end?_

"Carmilla…please…" I begged, "please stop…I don't want to die" pleading for my life felt pitiful, like prey caught in the jaws of a true predator, helpless to do anything, to even intervene in the outcome of its own life, and the pain, the burning, searing white pain that blinded me _"I suppose you should have thought about that before you attacked me, trussed me up, and deprived me of the life source I need to survive, I almost died myself if you don't remember!?"_

"We"- I started, trying to explain "_DON'T!"_ she cut me off _"I don't want to hear it Laura, I never thought _**_you_**_, of all people…wou-"_ she stopped, a hint of sadness in her voice, no, not sadness, disappointment.

"Argh!" I clenched my eyes tight against the pain, I couldn't speak anymore, my tears had run dry, my breath was shallow, and I could feel my life ebbing away, the white light had faded to black, the pain so excruciating I was almost numb to it, the only pain left was Carmilla's, it had been permanently branded into my heart, I had hurt her, probably more than she had hurt me, what had I done.

It was then the weight on my chest lifted, the warmth at my throat faded, except for the hot trickle of blood that ran down my neck and pooled at my nape against the bed covers, I felt the soft brush of fingertips on my cheek and blinked, the darkness fading, I saw Carmilla above me, her eyes glinted, but not in anger, my eyebrows furrowed in confusion, and then rose almost immediately in understanding, her eyes were wet, glistening, what I saw was her pain, I had betrayed her.

She looked away from me, perhaps hiding her tears, or maybe she couldn't bear to look at me anymore, "I-" she choked, but apparently I wasn't worth another word, she rose, left, and I was suddenly alone.

Carmilla was gone, and I could feel the darkness threatening to take hold of me again, "I'm sorry" I whispered, closing my eyes as a tear trickled down my cheek, "I lo-" but the darkness tried to cut me off, I fought it for my last words, in the hopes that she might hear them "I love you…" I stuttered, then, succumbing to blood loss and fatigue, everything went black.

* * *

><p><em>"Stupid girl"<em>I thought_"what was she thinking, messing with a vampire"_

I stood in the doorway, forehead pressed against the frame, shaking, I had almost killed her, I was so angry, so furious, it was her fault, she made me do this, I had been so close, so ridiculously close to taking her life, and it had felt good, my god it had felt good, but how could I destroy the one thing that kept my feet on this earth? The one thing that made me feel alive, I couldn't, but I hadn't forgiven her for what she'd done, one day I will, but not today, not tonight.

My heart jumped in pain as Laura gasped her last words, "I love you too" I muttered, shaking my head and leaving silently.


End file.
